Letters To You...

You appeared once again. It has been too many times already. You always show up at the exact same time, every time. You wait until I am lost and would want to just drift away and then awaken into reality. I do not know if this should concern me, but I could not find the reason why you seem to haunt me. It's a daunting reality- or it may have been self-imposed, I'm not sure but that's how it made me feel. If my brain could capture/photograph or even record a video of every visit, you would understand why. Your visits seem always "friendly"- and that somehow bothers me. 

I do not know if we have unfinished business towards each other; I believe we do not have anymore. Your recurrence makes me think otherwise. We parted fine, but we have never really had a discussion about it.. we just moved on. It was a rational decision and we were both okay. Somehow, in a bizarre way, I find myself asking a question. "What are you trying to say?" Again, this confusion may be self-imposed but you know very well that the girl you used to know is a very curious and stubborn one. Maybe I just need an answer? I don't know. Well, out of all of them you have been the only one I am "civil" towards to.

It has been a decade ever since that fateful day. I could not fathom how could you visit me  frequently now that I am married? I wish you could tell me what you wished to say, if you really have something to say. Pardon me for over-analyzing things. You were my first true "partner". You were my first. Were. Past-tense. I guess that should have been enough. 10 years should have taught us both everything we need to know. I guess I just wish you find what you're looking for. Something genuine, something true and honest, something you'd find pure joy in. 

P.S.

Thank you (somehow) for the visit/showing up in my dreams.