Letters To You...

You appeared once again. It has been too many times already. You always show up at the exact same time, every time. You wait until I am lost and would want to just drift away and then awaken into reality. I do not know if this should concern me, but I could not find the reason why you seem to haunt me. It's a daunting reality- or it may have been self-imposed, I'm not sure but that's how it made me feel. If my brain could capture/photograph or even record a video of every visit, you would understand why. Your visits seem always "friendly"- and that somehow bothers me. 

I do not know if we have unfinished business towards each other; I believe we do not have anymore. Your recurrence makes me think otherwise. We parted fine, but we have never really had a discussion about it.. we just moved on. It was a rational decision and we were both okay. Somehow, in a bizarre way, I find myself asking a question. "What are you trying to say?" Again, this confusion may be self-imposed but you know very well that the girl you used to know is a very curious and stubborn one. Maybe I just need an answer? I don't know. Well, out of all of them you have been the only one I am "civil" towards to.

It has been a decade ever since that fateful day. I could not fathom how could you visit me  frequently now that I am married? I wish you could tell me what you wished to say, if you really have something to say. Pardon me for over-analyzing things. You were my first true "partner". You were my first. Were. Past-tense. I guess that should have been enough. 10 years should have taught us both everything we need to know. I guess I just wish you find what you're looking for. Something genuine, something true and honest, something you'd find pure joy in. 

P.S.

Thank you (somehow) for the visit/showing up in my dreams. 

Pre-Mother's Day Thoughts

Mother's Day has been one of the occasions that my family always celebrate. It's an occasion we can express how we love and care for our mothers. My siblings and I would always buy a greeting card and if we'd have extra cash, we throw in a little present for our mom. 

My mom is not perfect, but knowing her all these years has made me realize that I do not need a perfect mother. What I need is someone who is loving, caring and understanding- and my mom's all that and so much more. Sure, we've had disagreements and arguments and my teenage self would make a big deal out of it but now I'm just thankful that we have the same level of respect and understanding that we do not allow a little misunderstanding get in the way of our relationship.

As time goes by, I have had a new appreciation for my mom and the effort she puts in to keep our family together despite trying times. And as I am about to embark on a new life soon, I truly am grateful that my mom still loves me even if I make a lot of mistakes and made her cry. Moms are truly God's blessing to us children.

Advance happy mother's day to all the moms out there! ❤ 

Xx,

L

Swift

It's November already! I am nearing 25 and it's freaking me out a little bit. Being 25 gets me nearer 30- the age I fear the most. Haha! It seems like I slept on the night of October 31st and now, we're a week into the month! How time flies! I wish time would go a little bit slower. Sometimes, I like to just sit and think of what happened to me in a week's time and I could see how fast people come and go; how fast events happen; how fast the days go by. Every time I think of it it wears me out, I feel tired.

Burnout

How many times can a person feel this way? I feel like I have a very very short fuse. I don't like what I'm feeling! This is the first time I am ever really passionate (well, aside from my accessory store) and yet I'm not feeling too good about it now. It seems like every time I work, at first it's something I'm very positive and so passionate about. Six months later, that same passion is nowhere to be found and work becomes, well... work. I do not enjoy it anymore. I am just getting by the day without being proactive. I come to work and do what they need me to do and not what I have to do.

I have a very complex job and being involved in operations is quite an interesting job but also too physically tiring! I do not have a lot of complaints about my job because I get to have time for myself and even time to go out with friends even on a weekday. However, things are taking slowly taking a toll on my body and I'm super stressed out with work. I think it's really different if you really love what you do and you visualize yourself living and breathing your job. For me, I came into picture because I needed a job and they needed someone to do the job.

I really need a break. :(

Finding Purpose in Dreams

Sometimes, I'm too caught up in my ideal/perfect world. Of course, it's just a fragment of my imagination. Things I wished were happening to me, things I wish I had, places I wished to visit... the list goes on. In my perfect world, the sky's the limit! There's no problem with accessibility to anything, and the choices are limitless. Sometimes I wish I could really live in that world. A world where I am successful, I am looked up as a "powerful" woman- and I don't mean the Wonder Woman type.  However, as it is just a fragment of my imagination and I'm just a human being, I need to stop thinking about the "what if's" and make life happen with anything I currently have. I guess having a "perfect world" for yourself can actually motivate you to do better in work, school, etc. It's like you're guiding yourself and projecting where you'd like to be in the future, what you want to attain. Of course, in REAL life, there aren't any shortcuts. We need to undergo a lot of disappointments, failures, heartaches, happiness, etc before we get to where we foresee ourselves to be. It is a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes it's so overwhelming. Having a balance in your life and people close to you such as family and friends can definitely help you get through life from day to day. I wish I could say that I've achieved something greater and say that I've found myself in a place I projected I would be. Somehow, I still have a long way to go. I'm just so motivated right now because things are slowly falling into place no matter how slow they picked up. I am so excited and really looking forward to what I can really become in 5 to 10 years from now. I guess the purpose of keeping that "imagination" kept me alive and motivated me to do something about my life if I wanted to become somebody at least for myself. Setting goals can be very difficult and sometimes not aligned with our strengths but I do believe that whatever we set our hearts and minds into, we will definitely land on the very spot we have hoped for ourselves.

And with that, I'll leave you with a few quotes from people who dreamt of  big things and made them come true.

* "Dreams are extremely important. You can't do it unless you imagine it." 
-- George Lucas

* "It was the man's dream, and his inspiring attempt to make them come true that remain important." Francis Ford Coppola 

*"Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men." Goethe

And with that, I bid you all good night! 

Quotes' Source