Ellie Goulding, Hope and Closure

Explosions.

"It's okay to be afraid, but it will never be the same."

It baffles me how 1 song can and actually explain the entirety of what I feel. I am never the same, ever. Hope is a killer- it's an opium to the weary and the naïve, the gullible. Hope is a double-edged sword , a relentless reminder of why we have wonderful uncertainties and the reason we fall. As they say, too much of something is not good for you. If that's the case, hope should be banned and/ or should come at a price.


"Your intentions were gold..."

I wished we're all born with signal readers, radars or whatever you might want to call it. We come across different people not knowing the purpose and/or intention why they came or stayed. In the end, we're left wondering how we allowed what shouldn't have happened or blocked out what could've been better for us. We're left with a thirst nothing books, nor songs, nor poetry can quench. We then forget... or so we think, until something or someone reminds of what that felt like and it creates a certain hunger within us. We hunger for answers we actually know; we hunger for explanations that need not be said. We hunger for closure... closure that didn't happen for a reason.

posted from Bloggeroid

Letters To You...

You appeared once again. It has been too many times already. You always show up at the exact same time, every time. You wait until I am lost and would want to just drift away and then awaken into reality. I do not know if this should concern me, but I could not find the reason why you seem to haunt me. It's a daunting reality- or it may have been self-imposed, I'm not sure but that's how it made me feel. If my brain could capture/photograph or even record a video of every visit, you would understand why. Your visits seem always "friendly"- and that somehow bothers me. 

I do not know if we have unfinished business towards each other; I believe we do not have anymore. Your recurrence makes me think otherwise. We parted fine, but we have never really had a discussion about it.. we just moved on. It was a rational decision and we were both okay. Somehow, in a bizarre way, I find myself asking a question. "What are you trying to say?" Again, this confusion may be self-imposed but you know very well that the girl you used to know is a very curious and stubborn one. Maybe I just need an answer? I don't know. Well, out of all of them you have been the only one I am "civil" towards to.

It has been a decade ever since that fateful day. I could not fathom how could you visit me  frequently now that I am married? I wish you could tell me what you wished to say, if you really have something to say. Pardon me for over-analyzing things. You were my first true "partner". You were my first. Were. Past-tense. I guess that should have been enough. 10 years should have taught us both everything we need to know. I guess I just wish you find what you're looking for. Something genuine, something true and honest, something you'd find pure joy in. 

P.S.

Thank you (somehow) for the visit/showing up in my dreams.