Unusual Heartbreak

2 months ago, I underwent an ultrasound. I was not expecting to have one, although i did expect to be pregnant. I went to a gynecologist to have myself checked since all pregnancy tests i took came back negative. Many girls my age would be so happy, close to triumphant even that they aren't- but I'm not. I wanted to get pregnant. I wanted to have my own baby. So when the gynecologist couldn't figure out my case, he suggested I get an ultrasound test.


I was really scared, not because it was my first time but because the test might bear bad news. Ultimately, it did. I found out I wasn't pregnant and knowing why made me feel really weak. My legs were shaking a lil bit. My heart was pounding and I felt like all my blood rushed from my head down to the ground in a matter of seconds. I was terrified. But I was even terrified of what PJ would say. I was thinking that maybe he'd break up with me because I COULDN'T GET PREGNANT.

I never knew I'd undergo such a case but I have bilateral polycystic ovaries. This means that both my ovaries have multiple subcapsular follicles which hinders me of pregnancy. The doctor already gave me medicine so I could have my period regularly and also prescribed something to cure my condition. However, this medicine was so hard to find! I had to ask my mom to help me in finding it to no avail and asking my mom to do that was no ordinary conversation. I really had to muster all the courage I had within me to be able to tell her my condition.

I still haven't got that prescribed medicine, that's why I'm going in for a check-up with another gynecologist. I really feel so heartbroken over this matter. It's terrifying to know that I might not actually be able to reproduce. Of all my friends, I'm the one who's really close to kids and vocally expressing my desire to have a child. I'm still very hopeful though that I'll be able to get through this. I'm still young and I have a long time to recover from all this trauma. I still believe that one day, God will look down on me and will allow me to have my desire come to reality. I'm hoping for the best.


Never give up!

larraineBee ❤

Fulfilled Saturdate

Being together for almost 7 years, my boyfriend and I don't really have romantic dates anymore. Romantic for us would be fancy dinners, movie dates, candles, roses- the works. Normally we'd watch a movie and eat after or vice-versa but we never categorize that as romantic but well, it's a date. However, as time passed, our dates consist of trips to the city or downtown (Chinatown) to buy materials for my online accessories shop, grocery, and/or doing errands together. Pretty boring I might say but we enjoy it apparently.

This Saturday was no different. I go to work and we meet up after. We webt around the city to look for a hula-hoop, a meter stick and threads, needles and cloth usually used for cross-stiching. They're projects for my scholar. We then had a little snack at a bread store across Central Market. We met up with my cousins after that to look for florists for her wedding on December! Whew! We did a lot on that day but it was fulfilling for me. It kind-of brought a smile to my face.

A couple of photos of my Saturdate! ☺

Hello from us! 

PJ eating the "crab bread

Not My Day

When I woke up this morning, I had a terrible feeling... My throat was so itchy and I had exaggerated runny nose! I have been nursing this flu the whole day. Good thing I didn't have fever, like I normally do. I'm doing as much as I can so I can recover quickly because its super difficult to work when your head is about to explode, you're coughing like there's no tomorrow and sniffing thereafter! Sounds like "tunog tao", I swear!

The day could've ended just fine. However, as I am about to sleep, I have another mishap being the clumsy girl that I am. I was bending over to put something in the trash can and accidentally my eye hit the end of the hanger, placed on my closet door! My left eye now hurts and burns a little bit! Why did this have to happen? I'm so scared! I don't care if I get a cut or bruise in my arm or leg because both can still function after recuperation. The eyes, however, cannot. Once your eyes are "destroyed", bruised, etc you can say goodbye to your eyesight! I cannot imagine my life without my sense of sight! How can I drive? How will I be able to see people I'm talking to? How will I be able to work? I don't want to miss out on life.


Moral lesson: be careful... EXTRA CAREFUL!


Goodnight,
larraineBee ❤